I hate the word father as he ruined my childhood forever

So I was born in a joint family. Everything used to be perfect, in my opinion, but not in reality. My mom was married to this man who is my so-called father. He was good for the first years of their marriage but turned out to be a devil as time passed. He started hitting her brutally, and my brother and I had to see it in front of our eyes but couldn’t help our mom because we used to be terrified. At that time, I always thought that this is what real families are. My perception of a family was totally delusional. I thought that in every family, these kinds of stuff keeps happening. But that was not true.

I remember I was 5 years old when I woke up in the morning with my mom’s scream. I was scared. There she was, lying on the marble floor, her left eye was bleeding. I was so scared. That day, the 5-year-old me knew that this person does not deserve to be my father. From that day on, I hated him.
But we had to keep quiet because my mom was helpless. She was terrified of that man.

Now things began to go crazy in my world. A lot of violence in my home but I was still helpless. This person, who was my so-called father, took the child away in me by all these horrible experiences. 
He began to touch me inappropriately and told me to kiss him. I never liked it. But if I said no, he used to hit my mom.
At first, I thought it was okay, but as I began to grow up, I knew it wasn’t. It was clear molestation. I told my mom and she was still helpless because she had no money to move out and no one was ready to help her. I was 13 and day by day I started hating that man more and more. I was so devastated that I refused to enter his room, yet I was so angry that I wanted to kill him. I remember 2016, I was in depression. I was even going to commit suicide at 8 o clock someday, but then the doorbell rang, it was my mom. That’s when I realised that ” I cannot leave this lady alone with the devil. I have to fight this battle for her.”
I also remember he used to tell me to lie down on him so that he could feel my body, I refused and one day he even spit that tobacco left out thing on me when I refused to lie down on him.
I was losing my faith in God because we were still suffering. But one day, when my mom was able to collect enough money, she said that she wants to move out with my brother and me. That’s when he became all sad and pretended as if he would be depressed if we left him. But the truth was, he liked to overpower us. He liked to hit my mom, bully my brother and molest me. That is why he didn’t want us to leave.
We were going to leave the next morning so I told my brother to sleep with mom so that he cannot hit mom again. My brother was awake all night to protect mom. In the morning at 6, he punched my mom in the back and grabbed her neck. He was strangling my mom and that’s when my brother pushed him away. My grandparents finally told him to leave the house and then he left.
I still live with my grandparents, my mom and my brother. My so-called father didn’t even care to take responsibility for his own parents. 
There he is, somewhere in Delhi and my mom still has nightmares about him. She is still terrified, she never ever wants to face him in her whole entire life.

I am living in Chandigarh now with my mom, brother, and grandparents. I have just completed my +2. I honestly don’t feel like ever seeing his face again, but I hope that things would have been different. I also wanted a perfect family where my dad would come home from work bringing me lots of gifts and would love me like a princess. Currently, I have a guy in my life who I have been dating for more than one year now. He has completed all my wishes to be treated like a princess and always guides me like a dad, protects me like a brother and loves me infinitely *touchwood*. My brother also treats me like his own daughter and gets me everything that I wish for. 
It was very difficult for me to go through all the uncomfortable feelings in my own body and insecurity about myself. But now, I am finally over it because I have so much more to cherish in life. I am still scared at times. never want to face all that I ever faced. 

Editors note: This is a true story and there is so many of you out there struggling. Write to me to share your story. Know that only you and you alone can save yourself by letting the truth out. Read, Share and write. Waiting to hear from you.



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