I loved and I lost

Okay, so I shall share my story too with you guys. It doesn’t have a happy ending but it is something that made me who I am today.
So it was my college’s third year when I fell for this guy who used to work as a writer at Sone ki Chidiya which was started by my best friend Tushar and I was also part of the same team. So yes we used to catch up on work and stuff on the facebook group. I used to read the articles that these guys wrote for Sone ki Chidiya and I was so impressed with this one guy named Ayush. His writing was so raw and true in most of the ways and I really appreciated the way he used to take real-life incidents and make them the part of his articles. I somehow started talking to him because obviously, I started liking him.
We started chatting and talking and go out on dates and in just one week he proposed to me and I had to say yes. I so wanted him to be part of my life. He loved me immensely, ridiculously and I did the same. And then after a year, I had to move to Vizag for my work and he was in Delhi. The honeymoon period ended and we faced the realities of life and long-distance relationship. I entered the new world where I was a free bird and I welcomed everything with an open heart, new people, new friends, different food and men. I loved the independent life I had but I made a lot of mistakes. I started falling for another guy and because me and Ayush always promised, to tell the truth, I told him about this new guy. He was mad at me but then he somehow understood that its natural. He came all the way from Delhi to Vizag to be with me and make me realize that our love is pure and no one can change it. He stayed with me and talked about it and made me realize that no one can separate us. He wrote me a letter on his way back to Delhi. His letters were full of love and emotions he had for me. He wrote poems and stories for me because he knew I loved his thoughts.
I shifted to Pune and again I made the same mistake. I again had a new life and a bunch of good friends and a different world. Again I opened up myself. I always Loved Ayush but I was selfish. I wanted to be loved in every different way and I wanted to explore it. But I was so wrong. It ruined my relationship with Ayush. We used to break up and patch up and what not. Again he could not bear losing me so he came back for me to Pune. Technically he was traveling around and he decided to be with me on my birthday. I was so happy to be with him. We traveled to Goa and celebrated my birthday. It was such a good time. I could understand Ayush’s insecurities and possessiveness towards me and he left Pune with a heavy heart. The relationship got worst just because of me because every other day I used to party with friends and he used to wait for me patiently every day but I never gave him time. Then I just could not handle myself, my job and him and I thought of moving back to Delhi. A lot of other things did influence my decision but it was the thought of me being with Ayush that made my decision even firmer. So I just submitted my resignation letter and left Pune one day and I asked him to meet me at the Delhi airport. We saw each other and those tears, everything now made sense. I knew I was at home in his arms and he forgave me for all my mistakes. I could not imagine how big his heart was and how much love he had for me. I found a job in Delhi with help of Ayush’s friend and I was so happy that finally, we will be together. We were together and happy and most of all he was happy. We traveled and we saw movies together, we did everything that we had been waiting to do. We were head over heels in love with each other.
But I saw things changing. I saw him changing. I could not understand that how could he fall out of love. We started fighting and it was very bad this time. He started telling me that he wanted to break up with me and this time I took the charge of saving us. I begged him and did everything possible to make him stay but he wanted to leave and I was helpless. He made me meet someone he was in love with and I was blind. I could not see her and that night standing outside the metro station he said we can’t be together anymore.
And he left.
I could not forget him. Every day used to call him and text him to come back and I would make things right but he never replied. I wanted to die and every day I just prayed to God that please take away this pain. I can’t bear it anymore and then maybe one day he listened. I met with a brutal accident and I was almost on my deathbed when I asked my colleagues that I wanted to see Ayush one last time and he said he won’t see me. Now God was teaching me another lesson here, he made me realize that if that person can’t be with you when you are dying then he doesn’t deserve to be near you even when you are dying. That day I thanked God for making me realize that I need to close this chapter once for all. I had my worst times even after that because I really loved him and I knew he loved me too but he moved on and now I also had to move on.
I started putting myself back and started doing things that I loved. Like traveling and sketching. I wanted myself back so desperately that I did everything to put me back in shape. There were people who were constantly supporting me, my parents and friends. They made sure I stand up with my head high. I stood up and I fought with my fears and I learned that maybe some love stories don’t have a happy ending and whatever it was back then, it was special to me and him. I loved him endlessly and I know he also did. But now I was free and afraid of love because I know the way he loved me and pampered me no one can do the same.
Recently I traveled to Europe and then shifted I just shifted to Bombay thinking my life is changing and the things are falling in place after a very long time. Today I am working as a Test analyst for an investment bank and I have to say my life and Bombay is surprising me with new adventures. I am happy that a lot changed in my since he left and I learned a lot because of my breakup.
PS – It is so true “we all know how to fall in love but we don’t know how to stay in love.”
The Curly hair girl and Me



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