Love Note To My Ex

I don’t even know where to start from there is a pain and void that you left in me which is unexplainable.  I am still trying to put them in words together to describe my feelings, to let you know it’s unbearable. I dearly loved you,  maybe I still do and maybe I will always but I don’t know who to blame. You must have been born in an era where the feeling was supposed to be suppressed and live with the guilt in your heart all your life or maybe that’s what your ex did it with you. 

Where was my mistake in all of it? I don’t know what my mistake was. I wish someone pinpoint it and told me where did I go wrong!

Why could you not believe that my love for you was enough for both of us to live happily Ever After?

The day when you said you missed me because it was quite some time since we last spoke. I did not reciprocate it I am sorry because I couldn’t tell you. That my love I miss you,

I miss you so much every day and that I have kept it all within me. 

I would have failed to tell you how much I miss you every single day with every breath that I take! That I miss you so much, my love.

I often ask myself why did I give it my all. Why did I ever love you? The answer from within screams loud and clear “It was your mistake, not his!” “You chose to love the way you do, he did not.”

All of it was difficult without you,  this is not the first time that you left me but the second time all over again. I don’t know what you believe in, but all that I know that you never believed in our love in my love for you. Only if you did you would have known Love is all that we live for.

The pain that I go through today, I truly believe that you somewhere deep down you will feel the same for me, but maybe you have more willpower than me to bury it down soundlessly within you. I don’t, I failed. My soul screams out each day in pain.

I never even believed in falling in love,  I realise that I was in love with you the first time you left and it was difficult for me to breathe. Suddenly I was looking for air in a green field. Life seemed meaningless in no second, since then almost a year and more now I kept breathing, looking out to the future. Looking out to find Life as it was.  So many people walked in and walked out who tried to skip a beat but none could breathe back the life in me. 

Food seems tasteless,  even to smile its pain. There was a time when I would wait to you close my eyes and sleep to watch a beautiful dream, to watch us in my dream to life now that I have to wait for pills to put me to down to sleep.  I am scared that I will wake up and I will see that you are gone, I know you are. That is the truth but my heart keeps hoping that none of it would have ever been true. 

A lot of this would seem could be skipped out because I am born in an era where we swipe left and right to find our match. Oh, my heart why can’t you think anything beyond that. I will live a lie if I do so, all my life I have to pretend to forget you, pretend it was a bad dream and I have woken up from it.  

I hope you do well in life, I hope you realise what you mean to me.  I hope you live my life One Day to know how much I have loved you. For now, all over again I am waiting to die because my love, I don’t know what it takes to live again. 

Your’s Only

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