“A HAPPY MARRIAGE IS THE UNION OF TWO GOOD FORGIVERS”
Eight months after marrying the person I was in a relationship with for eight years, this is what I have realised and accepted. I was neither nervous nor over-excited before getting married. I am marrying someone I know, I thought. Well, that was mistake one. But it was not the biggest one.
The biggest one was that I thought I know myself. I discovered myself, my partner and us a couple in a very different manner after we got married. It is still a crazy, bumpy ride, but at least now I know it won’t be the smooth, mundane one. And to be honest, I love the unexpected turn
it takes at times. And in this journey, I have realised and learnt a few things which have been very helpful. So, let me share them with you here today. Maybe it will help you, teach you things in advance or if nothing else, make you laugh!
DISCUSS THE FINANCE – Well, let’s talk about money first. Before getting married, we never talked about it. We used to spend our money in our own terms and at times together for some big plans. But we never talked about investing together or saving together or anything as such.
One month, into the marriage, I realised it is important. Once you get married, you set a lot of goals together; you run a family together and share responsibilities. So, it is important to discuss money. Split financial responsibilities and try to stick to the plan. Also, it is always a good idea to
discuss any big investment plans in advance even when it is something personal. It is nothing like seeking permission but more like giving the other person an idea of what your plans are so that you both can manage things better if a need arise in the future.
LEARN TO DISAGREE– At the end of the day, you are two different people who are staying together because you love each other’s individuality. The faster you learn this better. A lot of times couples force themselves to have the same set of beliefs, thoughts and mindsets. This does not make them compatible and does not indicate a healthy relationship either. Compatibility is understanding what the other person believes in and respecting that.
DO NOT ASSUME– Assumptions can kill your relationship, the faster you stop assuming it is better. After getting married, I thought my husband has a super-power of reading my mind and will understand everything that I am wishing for 24X7. When that did not happen, we had our big fights. Over time I realised none of us is blessed with the power of telepathy. We
started talking more about what we want the other person to do, to take care of and it made things simpler.
YOUR ROUTINES MAY NOT SYNC- I love waking up early and sleeping before midnight. My husband, on the other hand, is a night owl. It took us some time to adjust, now it is done and we are happily living “our own lives together”. You two will have different sets of work hours, chill time and nap sessions. Do not try to force and impose your routine on your partner. As long as you two spend some quality time together it is fine if your routines are a little different and not perfectly in sync.
DISCUSS EXPECTATIONS- Once you get married, you have certain expectations from your partner. Life changes in some ways and it is not your solo- carefree life anymore. And there are certain aspects where you have to adjust and compromise. The sooner you discuss these things,
the better and healthier your relationship will be. Also, along with your partner, his and your own family will also have some expectations from you, your partner and from you two together as a couple. Discuss all these things, understand where you stand and put out your opinion and
thoughts. It will be easier to decide and take action when you start doing it.
SCHEDULE TIME TO CONNECT– When we started living together, we thought we are together always and we do not need to have separated us times anymore. Well, I would not be more wrong. We were actually taking our togetherness for granted and not spending any time together at all. I spoke to a few other friends of mine and realised it is a common issue for all. You need to have those date days and movie nights and plan them separately. And yes, making grocery lists together does not qualify as a date day activity. Try to plan things that you enjoyed doing together before getting married, Visit cafes where you used to sit, discuss and plan
adventures. Watch your favourite shows together and have some surprises planned. Relationships last when you keep putting in continuous efforts and it is implied in your life after marriage too.
PLAY YOUR STRENGTHS IN THE MARRIAGE– You do not need to have the same set of skills to run a successful family and maintain a healthy married life. But you need to take up responsibilities based on your skill sets. I am good at meal planning, my husband orders the groceries. I am in charge of making shopping lists and he takes care of planning our vacations.
Well, I could plan the vacations and he could plan meals. But we don’t do that because we know the other person is better at it. When you work based on your skills, it gets easier and you work faster, saving a lot of time and energy. Also, you do not feel forced to do something just because
you got married. Instead, you enjoy the activity.
DO NOT DISRESPECT– Do not disrespect your partner in front of others ever. This is probably the worst thing you can do in a relationship. If certain things bother you, argue with your partner and solve it then and there. But try not to discuss it and make fun of it in front of others.
LISTEN- let’s end the list with the most important point- listen to your partner. It is so important to share and it is equally important to know the opinions of your partner. Discussions are supposed to be a two-way process. Make sure it stays that way. Listening to your partner helps you to understand his feelings, opinions better and strengthens the bond. Make sure that you give your partner space and comfort to open up freely in front of you. This is the healthiest practice in a relationship and helps in running it smoothly in the long run.
Well, here are all the things that I learnt in the last few months, but the most important one is this and let me put it out as a quote-
“Marriage is not just spiritual communion, it is also remembering to take out the trash.” – Joyce Brothers
Author – Hi, I am Esha Pandit. I am a PhD scholar turned blogger and content creator. I create content for millennial adults that can help them to live a positive, productive, and intentional lifestyle. I talk about productivity, habit building, minimal organization, quick recipes, kitchen tips. relationships and every other little life hack that you need to survive your adult life. Because I believe in what Monica Geller from FRIENDS said to RACHEL- “Welcome to the real world. It sucks. You’re gonna love it.” My Instagram- https://www.instagram.com/eshaslifehacks/
My YouTube- https://www.instagram.com/eshaslifehacks/